Yesterday I was greatly burdened by my fast. I could not easily get out of the communal dinner with the residency so instead I didn’t have butter coffee as usual or any coffee at all. Additionally, I went for a run that morning and on a hike with the other artists. My body could not keep warm so I was always cold and very slowly did I get anything done. However, I read a passage from The Way of the Pilgrim. In it, a merchant on his way to becoming a monk talks about prayer: God does not need prayer from us sinners, but in his love for us he likes to see us pray. If you only decide to go to your Father, he will come to meet you. This goes from the highest form of prayer aroused by the Holy Spirit which we are commanded to carry out, “Abide in me and I in you,” to the smallest sacrifice and calling on the name of Jesus which might seem useless. The merchant tells a story that illustrates how God repays richly with good the littlest thing we give him. This reinforces what Elder Joseph said in the 4th letter that even when grace withdraws and the soul descends and everything is carnal how necessary it is still to cry to the name of Jesus, even when it seems there is nothing in return. Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.
Prayer Journal, March 7, 2020
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