Before the Blessed Sacrament yesterday, I was very tired. I think I was somewhat dehydrated and I think this contributed to it in addition to a long day of work. In fact it was bad enough that I spent I think most of my hour at least half asleep. However, in spite of this weakness which seems to have a damaging effect on the productivity of a holy hour, toward the end I had this nagging feeling, even perhaps a voice in my head which said it was your desire, O God, that I surrender marriage up to you. I realized in spite of my acceptance of celibacy which came with my early conviction of my calling to become a priest and the challenges I underwent in making sense of my relationship with ____ [a woman who he had recently considered pursuing], I had never really done this. Thus, O my Lord and my God, for the purpose of the perfection of your holiness in me I give back to you this gift of marriage as Abraham gave up his son Isaac, this source of so great a happiness in this mortal world with the witness of the Most Holy Virgin Mary. O God, I hold back no reservations that you may make me what you will.
Prayer Journal, July 19, 2018
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